Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
