Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
