apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
