I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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