I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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