What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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