The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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