If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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