Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, beer. Big fan.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
