No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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