I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
