if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
