What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
