I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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