You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
