Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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