I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
