Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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