I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
