apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
