i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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