Are we in a gay sports bar?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
