I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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