I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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