you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
