meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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