ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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