oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
