the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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