WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
