Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
