4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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