im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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