So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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