dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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