He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize