you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
