True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
