morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.