The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird