Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left