I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.