I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
