Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.