??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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