i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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