She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
