I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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