I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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