that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
