dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
