I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
