Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
