he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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