between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
be right there i have to get my cape
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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