smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
