guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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