Jerry, you need to find god
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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