An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
