All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
