neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
