I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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