when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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