Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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