I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
