Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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