You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
honey bunches of taint.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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