OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
