So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
