We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
