He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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