I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize