I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love having hate sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
