I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
