You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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