I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
