capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
