Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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