Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
