We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
