Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
FUCK WHALES
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
