Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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