Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
