dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Watching her eat just hurts me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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