U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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