Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
