She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
