Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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