Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
